Early Sunday morning, I lie in bed wide awake after putting my son back to bed. Usually sleep returns easily, but this morning, my mind was racing. Frustration and anger seemed determined to overwhelm me, and I couldn’t stop thinking – of all things – about when my daughter was born.
Giving in to the sleeplessness, I wrapped my comforter around me and drudged into the living room. I plopped down into the computer chair, opened up 750words, and started putting it all down. My heart bled on to the page and the tears came.
And I just let them. For the first time since my daughter was born, I finally let myself fully give in to the awful, painful experience that giving birth to her was. How mortifying it was. How I felt completely abandoned, lonely, and hardened. How much I regret that night that should have been the beginning of an entirely new depth of love for me and wasn’t.
When it was all over, it ended as naturally as it had started. And for the first time, I could begin to feel compassion for the young woman I once was. I could finally begin to heal.
It was intense, but necessary. Emotional, and rational. So I’m taking a digital sabbatical because clearly, I’ve got some shit to work out while I’m writing this book.
This November, I’ll be writing Rebel Mama, dedicating myself to my yoga practice, working intensely with Dyana Valentine and a small group of incredible people, and dancing more than I have in years. It’s going to be a difficult month because of the amount of introspection necessary to complete this book as was made clear by the Sunday meltdown. So I’m taking the time I need to do what I need to.
And I need to write this book.
I won’t be on my usual channels like Facebook and Twitter, I likely won’t post here, and all those other things that generally come with not being online.
However, I’m open to still meeting in person if you’re around. This month is about face to face, real connection, and living as fully in line with my values as I possibly can.
FAQ:
Are you taking new clients/projects?
I’ll be checking email once a week, and if you are dying to work with me, feel free to send me your project. I’m booking from December on out.
Can I still get a hold of you if it’s like the most incredible, time-sensitive opportunity ever?
Sure. If it’s crucial, give me a call or shoot me a text. 503-431-9293 (But if you ask me to promote something and I have no idea who you are, I reserve the right to go apeshit on your inconsiderate ass. Not that you’d ever do that. But I thought I should throw it out there. <3)
Hi Dusti,
I just came across your site today and I am basically in love with it already. What you write about here (and at undefinable you – yes, I’ve read a lot of that today too), are things that I think about all the time. In fact, many of your ideas are very close to mine, and the ideas I am trying to portray on my (albeit much newer than yours) blog of my own.
I find you an absolute inspiration (especially as you are only 2 years older than me), and am quite sad I’ve managed to come across you just as you’ve gone on a hiatus! Am looking forward to your return, and wishing you lots of luck with writing your book this month.
Katherine Elizabeth