I turn 25 tomorrow.
A quarter of a century.
Now, I’m only like 5 years away from feeling my age. At any rate, I want to make this an incredible year. It’s a landmark of sorts, right? So naturally I wanted to write a post about it. Should I make one of those stupid popular 25 lessons in 25 years posts? Eh. That would feel inauthentic since right now I don’t feel like I know a damn thing.
Maybe I should give my birthday away for charity. I’ve seen a lot of people donating their birthdays this year.
But I’m not going to do that.
It’s not that I don’t think that’s a really valiant thing to do – it’s just not the right thing for me to do right now. You see, I have a really bad habit of playing martyr and sacrificing what I want, even when something is really important to me.
Like my birthday. Just once a year, I want a day to do what I really want to. It doesn’t even have to be a whole day. But I want to feel special. I want to feel free and totally fierce. I want to be unexpectedly delighted.
And I’ve never really had a birthday like that. I’m not sure I will this year either.
It has been a hard year for me. It’s been wonderful highs, like having my son, to the lows of dealing with the depression I knew I would have after I welcomed him into my life. It’s been lots of, “Fuck, have I made it yet?” and hearing back, “No, not just yet.”
I’m not looking for a pity party or sympathy. But there are so many well off, fortunate people around the internet giving their special day away, that I think some of you who’ve had a rough year probably feel guilty about wanting to be a big deal, too. Just for one day.
It’s easy to let things look okay on the outside. You can from all outward appearances be successful. You can have a great looking family. Hell, maybe you even feel like you’ve some progress this year. But I don’t think anyone gets enough praise.
Like Amanda for being completely bold and beautiful and thoughtful, creating incredible websites even while she raises two kids under two. Are you kidding me? That’s fucking amazing.
Like Abby for being a shining light for the micropreneur community, both in quality and caring. You will not find anyone more professional or empathetic around.
Like Tara for helping people move past their barriers in a no-bullshit, practical way. And showing she cares in meaningful, powerful ways.
Like Dave for being ridiculously caring and genuine and calling even when you can’t pick up the phone because you have a kid in each arm and one is crying.
Like Randi for making everyone feel like they matter.
Like Wendie for killer wit and an even better memory for people’s troubles.
Everyone deserves to have these small daily gifts. And I think everyone deserves to have their day in the sun without feeling guilty. This year has taken so much sacrifice already that I’m not ready to let go of this day yet. Because I need it for me for a change.
So I’m going to dress up. I’m going to turn on Little Bitty Pretty One and dance. I’m going to dance. And I’m going to lift up my expectations to the Universe and let them go. Because just maybe this will be my year to shine.
P.S. Rebel Mama is finished. It’ll officially launch next week, but if you want to get it first with some bonuses like a free copy of the updated Minimalist Mom and a few to-be-revealed items, you can preorder it here. It’s my birthday present to both of us.
Hi Dusti–I’m newish to your site, and really like this post. I donated my birthday to charity this year because it felt fun, but last year a threw myself a party and had the brass to ask people to bring presents. And that felt good too. Wishing you a year (not just a day) of feeling special and delighted.
Thanks for commenting, Laura.
It’s hard to claim space for ourselves, isn’t it? Thank you so much for the well wishes.
Hey Dusti, I think you’re kind of amazing. And I also think you should do whatever the hell you want on your birthday. xx.
Thanks Ashley.
I will do my best!
You definitely deserve your day in the sun!! I commend people who donate their birthdays, but I agree with you on needing one guilt-free day to be the most awesome person in the universe. After a bunch of hard days, weeks, months, whatever, one special day is highly needed. Happy Birthday, Dusti! Also, Little Bitty Pretty One is my favorite song to put on when I want to dance and be happy!! I thought no one else knew about that song. You rock.
Laura – you know where I heard it? Matilda. I am in love with that soundtrack. It was one of the only movies I ever really identified with. That and some Rusted Root….
That’s where I heard the song, too!! Send Me On My Way is one of my other happy songs! Man, I need to find a copy of that movie and watch it again. I hope your furniture dances with you tomorrow.
Oh congratulations on finishing Rebel Mama!! Happy birthday to you indeed!
I look for and devour what you write. We both know the outside is the protective coating, what-we-choose-to-display for whatever purpose in the today.
Keep and cherish your birthday, relish the skin you come to love living in but I’m warning you if you ever use the 1/4 century marker again I may have to come back there and remind you what 2x that marker does to a woman…although; I kinda love my life now. Over the hill is a bit of a rush once you realize you get to do it any way you want.
Happy Birthday to one of the most brilliant women I know.
(ps please fix the link to pre order Rebel Mama…I want to do that right now)
Thank you so much, Cindi.
Thanks for letting me know about the link.
I am a habitual lurker, but I wanted to say this is awesome. I like to look to my birthday as a celebration of being around X amount of years, and it’s up to me how I want to spend it. My 25th was full of friends, rockband, and playing silly games in a city park in the dark (glow stick kick-the-can? Heck yes.) Last year I didn’t do anything fancy, and that’s what I needed. I guess my point is go for it! Whatever you need, do it. And happy birthday
I am going to give up my birthday to charity this year. Two reasons. My 7 year old daughter did it last year and I promised I would too. And the second more selfish reason is that it’s a biggy 40 and I just don’t want a big party or all that attention. I just want a day with my family. I love what you are going to do and the freedom you have in yourself to really be you. Happy birthday Dusty.
Dear Dusti, It has been a hard year for me too. Reading this post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing not only happy go lucky stuff, but that life can be hard to. That made me feel more normal. Thank you. I wish you all the best, a happy birthday of course, and that the year to come will be easier on both of us. Love, Berit