I turn 25 tomorrow.
A quarter of a century.
Now, I’m only like 5 years away from feeling my age. At any rate, I want to make this an incredible year. It’s a landmark of sorts, right? So naturally I wanted to write a post about it. Should I make one of those stupid popular 25 lessons in 25 years posts? Eh. That would feel inauthentic since right now I don’t feel like I know a damn thing.
Maybe I should give my birthday away for charity. I’ve seen a lot of people donating their birthdays this year.
But I’m not going to do that.
It’s not that I don’t think that’s a really valiant thing to do – it’s just not the right thing for me to do right now. You see, I have a really bad habit of playing martyr and sacrificing what I want, even when something is really important to me.
Like my birthday. Just once a year, I want a day to do what I really want to. It doesn’t even have to be a whole day. But I want to feel special. I want to feel free and totally fierce. I want to be unexpectedly delighted.
And I’ve never really had a birthday like that. I’m not sure I will this year either.
It has been a hard year for me. It’s been wonderful highs, like having my son, to the lows of dealing with the depression I knew I would have after I welcomed him into my life. It’s been lots of, “Fuck, have I made it yet?” and hearing back, “No, not just yet.”
I’m not looking for a pity party or sympathy. But there are so many well off, fortunate people around the internet giving their special day away, that I think some of you who’ve had a rough year probably feel guilty about wanting to be a big deal, too. Just for one day.
It’s easy to let things look okay on the outside. You can from all outward appearances be successful. You can have a great looking family. Hell, maybe you even feel like you’ve some progress this year. But I don’t think anyone gets enough praise.
Like Amanda for being completely bold and beautiful and thoughtful, creating incredible websites even while she raises two kids under two. Are you kidding me? That’s fucking amazing.
Like Abby for being a shining light for the micropreneur community, both in quality and caring. You will not find anyone more professional or empathetic around.
Like Tara for helping people move past their barriers in a no-bullshit, practical way. And showing she cares in meaningful, powerful ways.
Like Dave for being ridiculously caring and genuine and calling even when you can’t pick up the phone because you have a kid in each arm and one is crying.
Like Randi for making everyone feel like they matter.
Like Wendie for killer wit and an even better memory for people’s troubles.
Everyone deserves to have these small daily gifts. And I think everyone deserves to have their day in the sun without feeling guilty. This year has taken so much sacrifice already that I’m not ready to let go of this day yet. Because I need it for me for a change.
So I’m going to dress up. I’m going to turn on Little Bitty Pretty One and dance. I’m going to dance. And I’m going to lift up my expectations to the Universe and let them go. Because just maybe this will be my year to shine.
P.S. Rebel Mama is finished. It’ll officially launch next week, but if you want to get it first with some bonuses like a free copy of the updated Minimalist Mom and a few to-be-revealed items, you can preorder it here. It’s my birthday present to both of us.