Gentlemen, you have it rough when it comes to online dating. I’m sure you’re already aware, but now that I’ve been on the receiving end of so many failed attempts at courtship, now I see exactly why your chances are so dire.
Your fellow men have made your job that much harder.
I’ve been on Tinder for a few weeks now, and what has become abundantly clear is – that through no fault of you own – you have no idea what women need to hear and see in order to want to meet you.
I get it. Dating can suck, and nobody teaches you how to do it. But I think I can help you help me.
Because the thing is, I might like to date you! I’m single, looking for interesting experiences, friends, and you know, someone who I can down with for Netflix and chill.
But my job here is hard, too.
As a reasonably attractive woman on the internet, I can be as picky as I want and/or get as many dates as I want. And if you don’t have a clear profile, I might just pass you by – and neither of us want that!
This is a guide to help us get through this together as painlessly as possible. And to that effect, I want to tell you about my first Tinder date.
Tinder Date #1
Guys, I’m afraid I’ve reached peak Tinder.
My first date was delightful, and then my Lyft driver (and everyone else) made it clear that it was incredibly unusual.
(I’m not actually disappointed by this, but it doesn’t bode well for you, my friend, because that’s one more female off Tinder due to someone who is Doing It Right.)
Here’s everything Mr. Tinder First Date did right.
- He skipped days of texting and directly asked what I liked going out to do and where I wanted to go. (Within 10 messages – seriously, who the hell decided weeks of messaging was necessary or cool?)
- He picked a spot for cocktails first, with a place picked out for dinner if we hit it off. (As in, he gave me an out from the get go.)
- He came dressed in a sport coat and looked like he gave a damn. (And I live in Portland, so that’s pretty incredible on its own.)
- He was exactly what his Tinder profile showed/discussed.
- He was unassuming, gave me plenty of space to say no, and was otherwise completely respectful the entire date.
(And in case you’re wondering, yes, he absolutely got a second date.)
So here you go, a guide to help you actually get a date on Tinder. Because frankly, it doesn’t have to be so hard.
How to actually get a date on Tinder
Get to the point.
I don’t want to message you for a week before we set a time to go on a date. Seriously, I don’t know who started that, but it’s stupid. I’m here to meet people, not pick up texting buddies.
Look like you.
Pictures I don’t want to see that don’t help your case: you with a fish you in a group (especially when your buddy is more attractive than you) you with a bunch of women, or your dog.
Really. I want to see your face. I want to see a full body shot. If I can get some context of what you’re like in your environment, even better. (So maybe is fishing is a big part of your life, better to let me know now so I can keep swiping along.)
Trying to hide things is a bad idea, because when we meet in person, you won’t be able to. False advertising is not the way you want to start a relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Add more detail to your profile.
Details I like to know: How tall you are – Yes, to some extent, it matters. If I were short, it would be less of a thing, but I’m 5’6″ and love wearing heels. 5’9″ is kind of the minimum for me.
Myers-Briggs – This is helpful for me personally, less so for other women.
What you do for fun – It’d be nice to see if this matches prior to going on a date.
What you do – I’m not a gold digger, guys. I just want to make sure you’re not a scrub (you have a job, you don’t live with your mom, you are doing something with your life). I met up with a guy who ended up being very, um, blue collar, and we just had nothing in common. It was a waste of time for both us.
See? Tinder doesn’t have to be such a disappointment. Here’s to better dating for all of us.
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Dusti Arab, Fractional CMO
And the founder of the reinvention co, a marketing consultancy specializing in working with personality-driven companies with small teams.
Intense, fun, and relentlessly practical, Dusti understands the lives of small business owners are deeply intertwined with their businesses, and if their marketing is going to be sustainable, it can't get in the way of why they do what they do. (And honestly? It should be fun so they actually want to do it.)
She is the host of Referral Worthy, a podcast for small business owners ready to go from "best kept secret" to the go-to name in their niche.